1 Step Forward, 1 Step Back

When we were discharged from the hospital, the Dr. said that since she stopped having blood in her diapers so quickly he didn't think she was really having a dairy/protein intolerance. He thought that it was just the diarrhea that was irritating her intestines and causing blood. (Then what was causing the diarrhea!) He said that I could go back to nursing her when we got home, and that I didn't even have to stop eating diary. (I haven't been eating dairy for a few weeks anyway, so I figured I would keep avoiding it just to be safe.)

I was happy to be able to nurse her again, and she picked right back up on it, but within 24 hours she was back to having mucousy, bloody diarrhea! I feel like my milk must be toxic! When Terry saw her diaper he looked at me and said quite simply "You're Done. (breastfeeding)" It is just so traumatic to see blood in my tiny baby's diaper! I called my pediatrician and he told me to put her back on the Nutramigen and to come and see him on Monday. In the mean time, her diarrhea has gone away, but she is still having some specks of blood, and I hate it. I hate changing her diapers!

I cried when I realized I had nursed her for the last time. I don't know why it feels like such a loss to me. I don't know why I feel so guilty for not being able to nurse her. . .

The other thing the Dr. said when we were discharged was that if she started breathing faster than about 60-65 respirations a minute that we needed to bring her back into the bronchiolitis clinic. At the time she was at about 55 respirations per minute, and I felt like we didn't have much room to work with. But we picked up this little gem
at Walmart. It is a battery powered nasal aspirator and it works 100x better than a bulb suction. (And she hardly even cries when I use it!) I am almost able to clear her airway as well as the respiratory therapist with the deep suction. (One of the best $20.00 I have ever spent!) I think it kept us out of the hospital that first night home. But the second day home she started having a hard time again. I threw a bag together thinking that we were going to be admitted to Primary Children's and headed off to the bronchiolitis clinic. The bad news was that she is still breathing really fast, but this time her oxygen saturation was okay. They suctioned her out and sent us home. I am so exhausted, I feel like we are constantly walking on egg shells. One step forward and then one step back.

Aleeya's RSV: Tuesday - Thursday

Tuesday:
That first night was the worst. When Aleeya wasn't crying and being suctioned, the other baby in our room was. If I closed my eyes and tuned it in, I could hear up to 5 babies wailing and coughing at one time. I found myself taking really deep breaths, and trying to breathe for everyone at the same time. The Attending Physician decided that I needed to stop nursing Aleeya, thinking that maybe the diarrhea was from a milk protein intolerance (being allergic to my milk.) They put her on that nasty hypoallergenic formula that costs $25.00 per tiny can and makes her breath stink. I didn't sleep for more than 1 hour that night and that made the next day a little harder to deal with. For the most part she was stable throughout the day, but her lung sounds were decreased in one side and they were worried that she might be developing pneumonia. We just have to wait it out and let the virus take it's course. In the mean time, we put our faith in Heavenly Father and all the prayers rolling our way. We are so thankful for all the prayers for Aleeya!

Wednesday:
I took a break and slept at home last night to get some sleep and Terry stayed at the hospital. When I arrived in the morning it was more of the same. Leeya is stable but not making many improvements. It feels like we are going to be in the hospital forever. I took a walk in the halls to get a break from the sound of crying babies. I walked by the oncology ward. It was decorated with a colorful hat tree adorned with darling, tiny, little beanies and I suddenly stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that life could be a lot worse!

By the afternoon they took Leeya's IV out! But the baby in our room seems to be getting better a little quicker and I am finding my self just a tiny bit jealous!

Throughout the night Aleeya decides that she has had enough and starts breathing a little slower. They keep bumping her Oxygen down and by the middle of the night she is off of her Oxygen completely! Hopefully we are getting to the good part!

Thursday:
The Dr. came in the morning and said that Aleeya fit the criteria to go home! I couldn't believe it, I was so excited. Every cord and tube that they took off of her was a relief, and when I was able to dress her back into her pink pajamas I felt like life could start to get back to normal! My mom came to get us in the early afternoon and we are home relaxing now.

I guess RSV can last up to two weeks, so we are going to have to watch her carefully for another week. Honestly, I am having a little bit of anxiety. I won't let her out of my sight, and I find myself counting her respirations every few minutes. I kind of miss the monitor that told me that she was breathing slow enough, and getting enough oxygen. (Terry actually asked if we could bring one home.) But it is just so good to have her here! Thank you to everyone that helped us out with the kids, thought, and prayed about us. I think we are finally getting to the good part!

Aleeya's RSV: Sunday & Monday

(I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been calling, thinking about us, and praying for us. The prayers are working, so keep them coming! I just found this computer lab at the hospital, so I am going to try to do regular updates since so many of our loved ones are wondering how we are doing.)

Sunday: Aleeya started coughing, and I noticed that she was breathing really fast, so I took her to the kids instacare. They had to deep suction her. It is about the saddest thing I have ever seen, my tiny baby screaming like they are trying to suck the soul out of her! They said she had bronchiolitis (not bronchitis) and tested her mucous to see if she had RSV. She was up coughing all that night, (I don't think I slept a wink) and several times I almost threw my clothes on thinking we were going to have to take her to the ER.

Monday: The test came back positive. Aleeya has RSV. We took her to her sweet pediatrician (Dr. Duffy) in the morning and they had to deep suction her again. (By the way, I cry almost as hard as she does when they do this to her.) She also has an ear infection and had to get a shot of antibiotics. Dr. Duffy was really worried about her and told me that it was looking like she might end up in the hospital, but for now he gave us a prescription for an out patient bronchiolitis clinic to use at the Riverton Hospital.

I took her to the bronchiolitis clinic to be suctioned again, the sweet man at the clinic was also worried about her. He watched her for a LONG time, and then her oxygen saturation started to drop so he hooked her up to Oxygen and transferred us to the Emergency Department at Riverton hospital (just how many co-pays does one person have to pay in 1 day?!)

By this time Aleeya has developed diarrhea BAD. I'm talking every 10 minutes we are changing her bum. Then the diaper rash starts, and she screams every time urine or stool touches it. Then she started having blood in her stools. I don't know how much one mom can worry, but I think I am just about at the worry capacity!

The ER Dr decides that we are going to need to go to Primary Children's. Aleeya needed to be transferred with the oxygen so at first they told us that we were going by ambulance, but then the Dr decided that she was stable enough and sent us with an oxygen tank in our car. You should have seen me walking into the hospital carrying an oxygen tank, a car seat, and a baby bag. I felt like I weighed 300 pounds!

When we arrived the circus started. They decided that they needed x-rays, and stool samples, and blood samples, and an IV. Pretty soon my baby is literally hooked up to 6 or 7 tubes and cords. I can't even pick her up with out Terry there to help untangle us! To top it off we are in one TINY room, and it is a SHARED room! There is another baby in a crib about 1 foot away from Aleeya, separated by one flimsy curtain. And this other baby is sweet and all, but she is coughing her brains out as well, and every ounce of me wants to throw myself at the air in between them to shield Leeya from any more germs! There is also only one NARROW fold out bed for the two of us and one VERY straight backed rocking chair. I take a deep breath and tell myself to be prepared to not sleep for the second night in a row.

Our First Week Home

Our first week home has passed by in a sleep deprived, chaotic, and lovely blur! Aleeya's birth went very well and smooth. She took a little bit longer getting here than my other two have, but it made it a little more relaxed as well. She was a perfect angel in the hospital, and even let us sleep well at night, however I think she was just tricking us into taking her home, (just kidding!) Our first night home she didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, and nursed almost as often. By dawn I was looking at her really closely to make sure that I had brought the right baby home from the hospital! Luckily our second night home was a little better, and we have had a few good nights in between.

Three children has been a HUGE adjustment for all. Rowen has been a little more stubborn, but luckily he is an easy going kid, and just kind of rolls with it. My dear Makaylee on the other hand has been A LOT more dramatic. She kept asking if she could hold the baby one day and I kept telling her no because I had to feed her, or because she was sleeping, etc. I guess she finally had it the last time I told her no, because she stormed off and disappeared for a few minutes. She came back a few minutes later looking forlorn with a little note in her hand. It said "Mom, you ruined my life, my heart is broken. Makaylee" Well, that was the final straw on the very thin hold I had of my emotions and I started bawling! I know it sounds funny that a 5 year old would even come up with something like that, but at the time it broke my heart!

But each day (and some nights) are getting easier, and more normal, and I feel so blessed to have this sweet tiny angel in our home!

My Sunshine